Are you tired, anxious, running from one place to another all the time, feeling frustrated? Well, you are not the only one! Many women are raising a family, juggling a career, and catering to a spouse have what‘s called "Super Woman Syndrome". This is an affliction that affects many women today. It's the desire to do everything for everyone, perfectly, without any time to yourself. Unfortunately, as women push their own needs and desires further and further to the background, they are quickly coming to the realization that the Super Woman Syndrome is far from super. Women are slowly learning to push the need for perfection and schedules aside - allowing time for meditation, relaxation, and their own personal pursuits.
The Super Woman Syndrome is a result of advances in women's rights, the necessity for two-incomes, women in the media, and the instinctive desire to nurture and place others first. You see women every day on the television or in the news that run their career, their home, and their family, flawlessly. That puts a lot of pressure on everyone to follow suit. Regardless of whether or not they work, women still shoulder the brunt of the household and parenting responsibilities. Add a career into the mix, and it's bound to be disastrous.
Let’s share a testimony:
I'm Debbie and I'll confess. I'm sometimes a sufferer of the superwoman syndrome. I feel the need to work 40+ hours a week, cook full meals for my family and have a clean house with only tiny laundry piles. On top of my home and work lives, I also feel the need to workout to lose that extra weight that has appeared, to be an active member the church, to be a good friend and a productive member of society. When one of the many balls I have in the air falls, I chastise myself for my failures. I felt I had to do everything because it was expected of me. It was expected of me - by both myself as well as those around me. I have children. I never imagined my life without children - ever. And I want my children to be proud of me - what I do, what I accomplish. I'm married. Despite coming of age in the 80's, I grew up with parents who married in the 1950's - and the influence of a grandmother born in 1905. A wife's job was to take care of her husband's need, her children's needs, and the house. A good wife cooks. She cleans. She anticipates the needs of her family. When my husband would come home at night and ask why we had fast-food for dinner, I felt like a failure because I had failed to cook a "decent dinner" for my growing children. If anyone wanted to drop by for a visit, I scurried around picking up the house, because I couldn't let anyone see a messy house - they would think I was a horrible wife and mother.
How could I rebel against it if I thought I was doing what was expected of me? How could I rebel against those that I loved? If I felt overwhelmed, and complained, I was considered to be ungrateful of what I had. I felt like a traitor to the little girl inside myself who had such big dreams and goals. How could I let myself be a failure?
For me, I find my family will jump in and help when I hit rock bottom. But within a few days, they fall back into the patterns of the past: mom can do it.
Is it the martyr syndrome? Or is it habit? Is it easier to just do things myself than to try to teach my children to do them? Or is it the way I show my family that I love them - by doing things for them? For some women, I honestly feel it's about being the martyr. They want the attention, they want to be able to out-do their friends. It's the need to be "more" than anyone else. For some women, it's a control issue. She's the ONLY one who knows how to do things the "right" way. Personally? For me? The more I am able to step away from the role of Superwoman, the better I feel - physically, mentally, and spiritually. I've learned that my kids enjoy some household tasks; and I've learned that if my house isn't perfect, it isn't the end of the world. But I will admit I go through brief spells of horrible guilt some days, and rush around like a crazed person trying to get "caught up" to a manageable degree of chaos. I think deep ingrained within me is still the desire to be seen dressed and attractive, clean home, well-balanced meals.... So, I do want some help, but I want the help to be given without me having to complain to get it. But I don't think I'll ever get away from feeling like a failure on those days where the house seems to have fallen in a dump and I haven't cooked a meal in ages.
If you, like Debbie, find that you suffer from the Super Woman Syndrome, there are some small changes you can begin to follow to make your life less stressful and hurried.
· Allow for Imperfections. Make planned adjustments to your day - allowing for some imperfections. The dishes can pile up in the sink until after dinner, the laundry can get done on Saturdays, and your children don't need to be signed up for every activity available in their age group.
· Pick Your Battles. With yourself that is! You don't have to make your daughter's birthday invitations, bake the cake, and clean the house yourself - unless you enjoy it and it's a stress reliever. Pick one or two things you enjoy to do, and enlist the help of others (professionally or family) for the rest.
· Set Your Priorities. If spending time with your children is a priority, make sure to include it in your schedule. Don't find yourself at the end of the day, tucking them into bed, and realize that you rushed around all day without talking to them.
· Give Yourself Permission. You need to accept permission from yourself to be less than perfect. Do everything as well as you can, but you don't need to be perfect at every role you take on.
· Take Time For Yourself. Schedule in some "me time". Take up a new hobby, take a class at school, go the gym, or take 15 minutes for relax. Whatever you enjoy, start integrating it into your life so that you have some time to relax and take stock of what is important to you. These steps will release you from a lot of stress.
The Super Woman Syndrome is a result of advances in women's rights, the necessity for two-incomes, women in the media, and the instinctive desire to nurture and place others first. You see women every day on the television or in the news that run their career, their home, and their family, flawlessly. That puts a lot of pressure on everyone to follow suit. Regardless of whether or not they work, women still shoulder the brunt of the household and parenting responsibilities. Add a career into the mix, and it's bound to be disastrous.
Let’s share a testimony:
I'm Debbie and I'll confess. I'm sometimes a sufferer of the superwoman syndrome. I feel the need to work 40+ hours a week, cook full meals for my family and have a clean house with only tiny laundry piles. On top of my home and work lives, I also feel the need to workout to lose that extra weight that has appeared, to be an active member the church, to be a good friend and a productive member of society. When one of the many balls I have in the air falls, I chastise myself for my failures. I felt I had to do everything because it was expected of me. It was expected of me - by both myself as well as those around me. I have children. I never imagined my life without children - ever. And I want my children to be proud of me - what I do, what I accomplish. I'm married. Despite coming of age in the 80's, I grew up with parents who married in the 1950's - and the influence of a grandmother born in 1905. A wife's job was to take care of her husband's need, her children's needs, and the house. A good wife cooks. She cleans. She anticipates the needs of her family. When my husband would come home at night and ask why we had fast-food for dinner, I felt like a failure because I had failed to cook a "decent dinner" for my growing children. If anyone wanted to drop by for a visit, I scurried around picking up the house, because I couldn't let anyone see a messy house - they would think I was a horrible wife and mother.
How could I rebel against it if I thought I was doing what was expected of me? How could I rebel against those that I loved? If I felt overwhelmed, and complained, I was considered to be ungrateful of what I had. I felt like a traitor to the little girl inside myself who had such big dreams and goals. How could I let myself be a failure?
For me, I find my family will jump in and help when I hit rock bottom. But within a few days, they fall back into the patterns of the past: mom can do it.
Is it the martyr syndrome? Or is it habit? Is it easier to just do things myself than to try to teach my children to do them? Or is it the way I show my family that I love them - by doing things for them? For some women, I honestly feel it's about being the martyr. They want the attention, they want to be able to out-do their friends. It's the need to be "more" than anyone else. For some women, it's a control issue. She's the ONLY one who knows how to do things the "right" way. Personally? For me? The more I am able to step away from the role of Superwoman, the better I feel - physically, mentally, and spiritually. I've learned that my kids enjoy some household tasks; and I've learned that if my house isn't perfect, it isn't the end of the world. But I will admit I go through brief spells of horrible guilt some days, and rush around like a crazed person trying to get "caught up" to a manageable degree of chaos. I think deep ingrained within me is still the desire to be seen dressed and attractive, clean home, well-balanced meals.... So, I do want some help, but I want the help to be given without me having to complain to get it. But I don't think I'll ever get away from feeling like a failure on those days where the house seems to have fallen in a dump and I haven't cooked a meal in ages.
If you, like Debbie, find that you suffer from the Super Woman Syndrome, there are some small changes you can begin to follow to make your life less stressful and hurried.
· Allow for Imperfections. Make planned adjustments to your day - allowing for some imperfections. The dishes can pile up in the sink until after dinner, the laundry can get done on Saturdays, and your children don't need to be signed up for every activity available in their age group.
· Pick Your Battles. With yourself that is! You don't have to make your daughter's birthday invitations, bake the cake, and clean the house yourself - unless you enjoy it and it's a stress reliever. Pick one or two things you enjoy to do, and enlist the help of others (professionally or family) for the rest.
· Set Your Priorities. If spending time with your children is a priority, make sure to include it in your schedule. Don't find yourself at the end of the day, tucking them into bed, and realize that you rushed around all day without talking to them.
· Give Yourself Permission. You need to accept permission from yourself to be less than perfect. Do everything as well as you can, but you don't need to be perfect at every role you take on.
· Take Time For Yourself. Schedule in some "me time". Take up a new hobby, take a class at school, go the gym, or take 15 minutes for relax. Whatever you enjoy, start integrating it into your life so that you have some time to relax and take stock of what is important to you. These steps will release you from a lot of stress.
Dear Georgina,
ResponderEliminarThanks for sending this. I remember years ago I wanted my home to always lok tidy and neet. I used to get very upset if my husband or kids left things all over and didn't clear up the mess or some thing as I felt I had to be spendning a lot of time cleaning and clearing etc. and we always had people dropping in at home any time of the day or night. Once my husband said "why are you getting so upset when things are not in its place after all kids are small. House is to be lived in and not looked at". That set me right! So now I say this is kid friendly house!! So you see I am not a wonder woman after all. Viji.